Little Wright Fight

 Day 6 (42 in dog years)

Wow. What a roller coaster these last 24 hours have been.

Thank you all so much again for keeping our son Ammon in your prayers.

I can tell you that it is a very special experience to feel the prayers of others.

To feel strength beyond your own, and feel lifted up when you didn't think you could take another breath.

Yesterday morning I posted a picture of Ammon after his scary flare up with this reaction his body is having.

Within an hour of posting, he had a long shower, and his rash had almost completely cleared away!!

It was incredible to see how fast it changed! I was so touched by all the messages and comments of concern.

Just as his rash and swelling cleared, a camera crew walked in and surprised him with a Halloween costume and Marvel goodie bag.

To say it lifted his spirits would be an understatement. There were tears from Jed and I, including the entire crew that was filming.

I'm so glad they were able to feel the joy of what they were bringing to us, and that Ammon was able to feel like himself for the camera.

He's had a really hard time seeing what he looks like, so it was nice to see him feel confident for a little bit.

Until yesterday, I've never thought of kids that might not be celebrating Halloween because they were in the hospital.
I think it's normal to get caught up in the excitement and fun, and natural to not think of someone who isn't able to do so-

At least that is how I am anyway. But after yesterday, our future Halloween's will never be the same.

Ammon and I both want to do something every year on Halloween for kids that are sick, because we know how much it can lift someone's weary heart to miss out on such a fun holiday.

I hope that is just one of the many blessings that come from this experience.

Pretty soon after the crew left, Ammon's rash came back again.

We know that this thing comes and goes, but the timing is still amazing to me.

It's hard for Ammon because he gets his hopes up that he's better, and then the rash says- "Just Kidding! I'm back!!"

The rash was up and down the rest of the day, and during the night he had two really bad flare-ups where the itching was uncontrollable.

He isn't able to itch it, because it makes it spread more, and I have been in constant amazement with his self-discipline to not touch it. We usually put cold rags on the areas to calm it down, and we ended up taking two showers through the night for relief.

This morning about 4 am it started looking really angry and I was getting worried that we were starting to go backwards.

Ammon took a two-hour shower until he could have relief.

The shower head was broken in the room, it wouldn't latch onto the wall, so I held it for him and just kept rinsing him over and over.

We listened to some gospel music to bring us peace, as Ammon was starting to lose hope.

I can only imagine with his young heart, how hard it would be to be this patient with what he's going through, let alone as an adult!

I could have rested in the other room or at least sat down while he showered in the middle of the long night, if it had not been broken,

but because I had to hold it, it was a special bonding experience for both of us that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

We had so many good conversations about God and why He allows hard things to happen to us, as beautiful music played in the bathroom.

Lately I have been having thoughts of feeling a disconnect with Ammon as he is turning into a tween, and friends, YouTube, and riding his scooter are naturally taking priority.

I have been trying and praying how I can be a better mom to him and how we can be closer. It wasn't bad, but I wanted to be as close as we once were when it was just him and me.

I only have 7 more fast years until he's gone and out of the house onto his mission.

With Ammon being the oldest, I rely on him a lot to take care of himself while I tend to the little ones. He is good at doing his own thing, and I get used to that. 

Especially with his baby brother winning most of my affection being the baby and in such a cute stage.

I HATED seeing my son suffer, it felt unbearable at times, and I just wanted to take it for him,

But I'm so glad that I could be the one to be by his side. It was a bonding experience for both of us.

After reflecting on this experience today, I feel like it can be a parallel to our relationship with God.

If our showerheads worked just fine, God could just sit back and relax and let us do our own thing, without relying on his help.

But He knows that we are not perfect, He lets it be that way- so that just like the showerhead, it is an opportunity for us to let our Father in Heaven hold it for us, so we can get the relief and comfort we are seeking,

Without HIm, we couldn't do it, or we could try holding it ourselves, but it would be so much harder, exhausting, and lonely to do it alone.

That in those moments when He's holding it for us, we can have that bonding experience with Him wether there was a distance between us or not.

I know that after this whole experience Ammon and I will see the bond that was rebirthed.

And, with any trial, no matter the outcome, I have always seen the opportunity to grow closer and strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I wouldn't have chosen the trials that have come this year, but I do trust that God knows what's best.

I also know that this hard time didn't happen for my relationship to grow with Ammon, but I feel like with any trial, we can look back and see the blessings that can be taken from them, and this is one of them.

After Ammon got out of the shower, he developed a fever, and the rash began to show signs of return.

They came in to get more blood work to make sure nothing had changed when they saw he had a fever.

Ammon's poor little veins were just beaten up and they couldn't get all they needed, having to poke different veins.

I held him in my arms as he cried and cried in pain. He was DONE. And so was I - watching him suffer this long was just too much.

I kept thinking of parents that have to watch their children suffer through much worse, and for much longer and I didn't know how they do it.

In desperation, I sent out a message to both sides of our family asking that they would fast for Ammon today that he could heal quickly and receive comfort.

We are so blessed to have so many loved ones praying for us, I can't even express my gratitude for everyone. 

Within an hour, Ammon had improved drastically. The doctor came in soon after, and told us that his blood work looked really good, and because Ammon's vitals were good and he was stable, we could go home. Things had improved so fast!

Ammon cried tears of joy, it was so touching to see. He wanted to go home so bad, and I was so grateful that he could.

When we got home, he said he was starving, he hasn't eaten more than a few crackers in 6 days because of no appetite.

We were so excited to see him eat the pancakes he was craving so bad.

The kids made him some cute signs and gifts when he came home, and of course, his little dog was the most excited to see him!

It's been several hours since we've been home, and he is still doing great!

I took a 4-hour nap while Jed was on duty, and was so happy to see that he was still ok when I woke up.

I have been in awe and gratitude for this beautiful miracle that we have once again received from your faith and prayers, and that it was God's will that we could see improvements.

I don't know how I keep being so blessed, but I know the source, and I will forever be grateful for God always being there with me through my trials.

I will admit that I didn't feel Him near when this all started to develop last week.

I felt confusion, doubt, anger, and numbness. What did I do to upset God so much?

Why was He allowing my weary heart to hurt more?

It's been a such a hard year, actually the hardest in my life, and I didn't feel like I had come up for air yet when this new trial hit.

I look back at all that I learned in just this short time period and once again I thank my Heavenly Father for His hand in my life.

He didn't give Ammon this rash, He allowed his human body to experience the imperfections that all our bodies have,

but He never left our side the entire time- I was just too mad and doubtful when this first began to feel His presence near.

When the prayers came from all of you, I felt my heart soften and was able to feel His love and see the miracles and angels that He always sends if I am aware enough to look.

I'm so sad that Ammon had to suffer, and that he still might have a bumpy road ahead, but I hope He has seen that His Heavenly Father is aware of HIm and loves him very much, just like I do.

I'll continue to keep you all updated. We still don't know what caused this reaction.

My prayer is that we don't find out the hard way, or that it was a fluke thing and we can avoid this in the future.

Hope you all have a great rest of your Sunday. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love.

"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday, today, and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."

Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 27:23